Shame vs. Guilt

Vulnerability is NOT weakness. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.

Genuine apology goes beyond remorse, says legendary playwright Eve Ensler. In this frank, wrenching talk, she shares how she transformed her own experience of abuse into wisdom on what wrongdoers can do and say to truly repent — and offers a four-step roadmap to help begin the process.

The first is you have to say what, in detail, you did. Your accounting cannot be vague. “I’m sorry if I hurt you” or “I’m sorry if I sexually abused you” doesn’t cut it. You have to say what actually happened. “I came into the room in the middle of the night, and I pulled your underpants down.” “I belittled you because I was jealous of you and I wanted you to feel less.” The liberation is in the details. An apology is a remembering. It connects the past with the present. It says that what occurred actually did occur. 

The second step is you have to ask yourself why. Survivors are haunted by the why. Why? Why would my father want to sexually abuse his eldest daughter? Why would he take my head and smash it against a wall? In my father’s case, he was a child born long after the other children. He was an accident that became “the miracle.” He was adored and treated as the golden boy. But adoration, it turns out, is not love. Adoration is a projection of someone’s need for you to be perfect onto you. My father had to live up to this impossible ideal, and so he was never allowed to be himself. He was never allowed to express tenderness or vulnerability, curiosity, doubt. He was never allowed to cry. And so he was forced to push all those feelings underground, and they eventually metastasized. Those suppressed feelings later became Shadowman, and he was out of control, and he eventually unleashed his torrent on me. 

The third step is you have to open your heart and feel what your victim felt as you were abusing her. You have to let your heart break. You have to feel the horror and betrayal and the long-term impacts of your abuse on your victim. You have to sit with the suffering you have caused.

We don’t want men to be destroyed, we don’t want them to only be punished. We want them to see us, the victims that they have harmed, and we want them to repent and change. And I actually believe this is possible. And I really believe it’s our way forward. But we need men to join us. We need men now to be brave and be part of this transformation. I have spent most of my life calling men out, and I am here now, right now, to call you in. 

Neuroscientist and pediatrician Kimberly Noble is leading the Baby’s First Years study: the first-ever randomized study of how family income changes children’s cognitive, emotional and brain development. She and a team of economists and policy experts are working together to find out: Can we help kids in poverty simply by giving families more money? “The brain is not destiny,” Noble says. “And if a child’s brain can be changed, then anything is possible.”

if we can show that reducing poverty changes how children’s brains develop and that leads to meaningful policy changes, then a young child born into poverty today may have a much better shot at a brighter future. 

As I am doing the ‘I AM Project’, this cultural issues comes to the core of my mind. It reminds me of who I am, where I come from, what my identity is, and how far I have come to become a teacher.

Developing cultural competence can help teachers create more trusting relationships with students and a more positive learning environment.

1. Develop an awareness of your own racial and cultural identity

2. Learn about each student and incorporate this knowledge into classroom instruction

3. Promote an inclusive and equitable classroom that proactively works to counter bias

4. Get to know students’ families and invite them to the classroom

5. Learn about the community

Leran more details

1. Make it meaningful

2. Foster a sense of competence

3. Provide autonomy support

4. Embrace collaborative learning

5. Establish positive teacher-student relationships

6. Promote mastery orientations

Reference: https://www.teachthought.com/pedagogy/6-golden-rules-for-engaging-students/?fbclid=IwAR2EmT4GsmJEeeeaLPPjEhPlGV2twpeYOD6IXoinpDSpf70H9NKVFCrz7hA