A teacher’s day is full of grading, answering questions, monitoring recess, attending meetings, and of course, teaching. But there are a lot of activities and habits that are a part of teacher life that are not in the job description. And we work hard to keep most of them our teacher secrets! Here’s a rare insider look at the things teachers secretly do.

Some are true! Teachers are humans. Sometimes we use some strategies to cope with parents. I usually don’t forgot students’ names. Kids usually get it back from me. They usually said, “Teacher, you forget my name! It’s unfair!”

Teacher secrets:

1. We have favorite students. 

Maybe it’s the kid who makes things easy on us. Or the slacker with the sharp wit. Maybe it’s the lonely child who just needs a little extra attention. But we all have our favorites – even if our favorite changes from day to day.

2. We zone out while students are reading out loud. 

Okay, in our defense, we’ve already read this chapter – like every year for the last 10 years, so it can be hard to focus.

3. We use code in emails to parents.

When we say your child is “very social,” we really mean she will. not. stop. talking. And “natural leader” is code for bossy.

4. We forget student names. 

When we see that kid we had in class three years ago in the grocery store, it might take us a second to pull up the name. “Heeeyyyy youuuuu!” is always a safe bet.

5. We consider putting a margarita machine on our classroom needs list every semester.

It really doesn’t seem like too much to ask.

6. We show the movie for us as much as for the students. 

Yes there is an educational benefit to watching the movie based on the book you just finished. But the fact that it will guarantee 90 minutes of blessed silence is definitely a perk.

7. We aren’t above bribes. 

It’s not a coincidence our students got an extra 15 minutes of recess the day after we had a great observation.

8. We occasionally “forget” to grade an entire stack of essays.

Admittedly, this is trickier for elementary and middle school teachers whose students are still eager. But if you teach high school, there’s a good chance the kids forgot they even wrote essays – so it’s all good.

9. We only pretend to grade participation. 

That clipboard we carry around and write on as we monitor group work? We’re really just making a grocery list.

10. We actually think some questions are stupid.

You know how teachers reassuringly tell their students “There’s no such thing as a stupid question,” when they are encouraging participation? That’s a lie. There most definitely is such a thing, and we know it. 

11. We wear pants several times without washing. 

Seriously, what teacher has time to do laundry every day (or week)? So, yeah, maybe we do sometimes wear our favorite pair of teacher pants two or three (or five) times between washings – but only if our denim slacks aren’t available.

12. We do a mental happy dance when that student is absent. 

Obviously, we hope it’s just a dental appointment or a mild cold, definitely nothing serious (or contagious). But it is a blessed relief to get a break now and then!

13. We sometimes let that student run an errand so we can get a break.

Traditionally, running an errand for the teacher has been a little badge of honor, a sign a student was reliable and trustworthy. But it’s a more inclusive world now, and no one should be barred from errand-running – particularly not that super talkative kid who will take ten minutes to get to the office and back.

14. We mutter things behind our masks we can’t say out loud. 

It will require some real self-control to curb this habit once mask mandates are lifted.

15. We eat food that isn’t ours from the staff room fridge.

Obviously, the Vera Bradly lunch box with Judy’s monogram is off-limits. But that pizza? That is probably there for the taking. Right? I mean, who leaves pizza just lying around with no name on it.

16. We text each other during faculty meetings.

Unless we are old school, then we pass notes.

17. We play PD Bingo.

Growth mindset, rigor, differentiated instruction, data-informed instruction, paradigm, instructional scaffolding, real-world learning, grit. Education is rife with buzzwords. Sometimes making a game out of them is the only way to get through all those long professional development seminars. The first person to fill in their bingo card with all the educational buzzwords gets to eat Judy’s lunch! (Bonus if you can actually get the presenter to say a specific buzzword.)

18. We push back test dates for our own sake. 

Our students need never know we forgot to write the test or that we just don’t want to grade their essay questions this week. As far as they are concerned, this postponement was an act of pure benevolence.

19. We Google things our students say.

It’s true that middle school and high school teachers are apt to pick up the current teenage slang. But when they use a word or expression we don’t know and all their friends laugh, our first question is always, “Did they just say something dirty?”

20. We “cook the books.” 

We’re supposed to have three grades in each week, but this week we had a test that took two days and a film that took three. Okay, ummm…everyone gets five points for answering this question when I call roll! Problem solved.

21. We often look the other way.

Some rules need to be enforced every single time. But am I going to interrupt my lesson to tell Timmy to spit out his gum or because Suzi muttered a swear word under her breath? Sometimes, no.

22. We’ve all been the one to jam the copy machine – and leave it.

We aren’t proud of it. But sometimes we just Do. Not. Have. Time. To. Deal. With. One. More. Thing – particularly when that thing is a machine that is supposed to make our lives easier. Sorry, next person in line, it’s not personal.

23. We all cry in our cars.

At lunch, at recess, during our planning time, on the way home from school, on our way to school–it happens.

There’s a certain sense of camaraderie and solidarity that comes from knowing that we share so many quirky experiences and habits with other teachers. After all, how many other professionals get excited over new pens or the chance to wear jeans. So, what about you? What would you add to this list?

Reference: https://boredteachers.com/post/secret-life-of-teachers

Below is an actual job description for a teaching position that was posted online, which has been translated into a realistic description of the literal teaching job, written by a teacher for all other teachers to roll on the floor laughing… or crying… or both. Enjoy!

Job Summary

1. 

What they say:  To plan, organize, and implement an appropriate instructional program.

What that REALLY means:  To plan, organize and implement the adopted curriculum and program by your school or district that may or may not match the student population needs or have been attempted in a similar context.

2. 

What they say:  Teach in an elementary or secondary learning environment that guides and encourages students to develop and fulfill their academic potential.

What that REALLY means: Be trapped in a room that is decorated utilizing self-made or self-bought materials (which leave you making even less money), as outlined by the mission and vision of the school — NOT necessarily driven by the students’ interests.

3. 

What they say:  Work is performed under the supervision of the principal.

What that REALLY means: Work is performed under the supervision of the person who you will come to believe you know more than, who may have never taught in the very grade level they are supervising, and/or who may have only a fraction of your own teaching experience. 

Essential Functions of the Job:

4. 

What they say: Plan, prepare and deliver lesson plans and instructional materials that facilitate active learning.

What that REALLY means: Spend your free time and money developing lesson plans that meet the instructional needs of those who are in charge of the curriculum.

5. 

What they say: Develops schemes of work, lesson plans, and tests that are in accordance with established procedures.

What that REALLY means: Do what you are told and become a minion for those who believe they know what is best for the students in your class.

6.

What they say: Instruct and monitor students in the use of learning materials and equipment.

What that REALLY means: Be prepared to teach students how to use simple learning tools such as scissors, pencils, markers, and computers appropriately.

7.

What they say: Use relevant technology to support and differentiate instruction.

What that REALLY means: Find your own professional development opportunities to build your knowledge of educational technology resources and implement them in your classroom, should you have tech resources.

8.

What they say: Manage student behavior in the classroom by establishing and enforcing rules and procedures.

What that REALLY means: Be skilled in your counseling, behavior specialist, and social work skills to ensure that students are able to remain in the classroom accessing the general education curriculum.

9. 

What they say: Maintain discipline in accordance with the rules and disciplinary systems of the school.

What that REALLY means: Be able to identify when you need to call for support for behavior without being that person who calls “too much”.

10.

What they say: Provide appropriate feedback on work.

What that REALLY means: Appropriate for the school setting.

11.

What they say: Encourage and monitor the progress of individual students and use the information to adjust teaching strategies.

What that REALLY means: Collect copious amounts of data to defend your practices and requests for the student to receive extra support for academic and behavioral needs.

12.

What they say: Maintain accurate and complete records of students’ progress and development.

What that REALLY means: Basically, be prepared that all students will have an educational plan that requires time for development, data collection, intervention implementation, analysis of data, and input into a computer software program that seems to be written in a foreign language without any previous training.

13. 

What they say: Update all necessary records accurately and completely as required by laws, district policies and school regulations.

What that REALLY means: Don’t get sued or bring attention to the school for unlawful acts.

14.

What they say: Prepare required reports on students and activities.

What that REALLY means: Remember the positive sandwich technique and stay in contact with parents on a regular basis not just when report cards and progress reports are due.

15.

What they say: Participate in department, school, district and parent meetings.

What that REALLY means: Live at the school during your contract time and use summers as a time to find that balance between work and home everyone is talking about.

16.

What they say: Provide a variety of learning materials and resources for use in educational activities.

What that REALLY means: Spend your money and become a regular user of Pinterest and TeachersPayTeachers.

17.

What they say: Assign and grade class work, homework, tests, and assignments.

What that REALLY means: Use your free time to meet your work obligations.

Other Functions of the Job

18.

What they say: Encourage parent and community involvement, obtain information for parents when requested, promptly return phone calls and answer emails.

What that REALLY means: Be at the beck and call of parents to ensure that their child is learning and reaching their full potential as identified by parents who have clearly passed the teacher licensure requirements and know how you are to do your job.  In your free time, solicit support and involvement of community members so that they may volunteer to add to your work of delegating and guiding adults so they can guide the students you are to obligated to guide.

19.

What they say: Participate in appropriate professional activities.

What that REALLY means: Spend more money out of your already small stipend to be a teacher to maintain your licensure requirements and grow professionally.

20.

What they say: Participate in extracurricular activities such as social activities, sporting activities, clubs and student organizations as directed.

What that REALLY means: Spend those times that you could actually go grocery shopping without seeing students because they are at the function, be building positive relationships with your own children and rejuvenating so you can teach the future, meeting the demands of the school organization without extra pay or kudos. Well, maybe a line in the weekly memo that goes out.

21.

What they say: Other duties as assigned.

What that REALLY means: Be prepared to be a lunchroom monitor, crossing guard, bus line supervisor, recess monitor, secretary, custodial activities as needed, bathroom monitor, social-emotional teacher, and, if you are probationary — be a quiet, idea-hoarder, “yes sir/ma’am”-teacher, until your third year. Then, and only then, will you be allowed to “think” and “share.”

Knowledge, Skills, and Ability Required

22.

What they say: The requirements below are representative of the knowledge, skills, and/or abilities required.

What that REALLY means: Until you are a non-probationary teacher who has stopped meeting the requirements satisfactorily and the system struggles to help you move on to a career that is a better fit an ultimately make all much happier.

Physical Requirements

23. 

What they say: Regularly required to sit; stand; walk; talk; hear; operate a computer, hand-held learning devices, and other office equipment.

What that REALLY means: Sit rarely; stand all day; walk up to 10,000 steps per day (as measured by a Fitbit); talk to everyone; hear the complaints of your students, parents, admin, and colleagues; operate a desktop computer that must stay at the school, so all other work must be done on your personal laptop; hand-held learning devices, but NOT your personal phone (you’re unavailable from 8:00-4:00 — the typical hours when most businesses will need to get ahold of you); and make hundreds of copies a week (if the office machine is working!), run a laminator that will get jammed at the least inopportune time, and use your own personal printer, should you need color copies.

24. 

What they say: Reach with hands and arms; and must occasionally lift and/or move up to 10 pounds.

What that REALLY means: Reach to take away student phones and “calming tools” (aka fidget spinners), to give a nonverbal cue for that unwanted student hug, and to reach for the radio to get assistance with a behavioral problem in your class; and you will gain 10 pounds, due to the number of snacks and treats you will eat throughout the holiday season, as all the time you’ll use food to cope. Oh and don’t forget you’ll also be required to hold your bodily functions beyond reasonable limits, to ensure that you use the bathroom no more than 2 times per day.

Reference: https://boredteachers.com/post/the-realistic-classroom-teacher-job-description

Teaching is one of the few careers where the free will of others routinely and negatively impacts an employee’s livelihood. For example, when a student doesn’t do their homework and their grade suffers, it somehow becomes the teacher’s problem to solve. But when a patient doesn’t get an eye exam and their vision worsens, the patient is accountable, not their optometrist. The rest of the world seems to understand the value inherent in natural consequences. Just look at how these other professionals can do their jobs without repercussion of someone else’s irresponsibility hanging over their heads!

1. An unhealthy person doesn’t affect a doctor’s salary, but low test scores can result in a pay cut for teachers.

Blatantly ignoring medical advice to quit smoking, doctors diagnose a person with a pack-a-day habit with emphysema. Unwilling to change their high-fat, high-cholesterol diet, a person suffers from obesity and heart disease. Do these unhealthy outcomes negatively impact their doctors’ salary? Absolutely not! Now let’s flip the script: can apathetic students’ low test scores negatively impact school funding, thereby hurting teachers whose pay is linked to those scores? Yep. Imagine if all professionals lost money each time they could lead their horse to water but couldn’t make it drink.

2. The architect’s expertise isn’t questioned, yet teachers are constantly doubted as highly qualified.

Every day all over the world, people walk into buildings and homes without fearing that the buildings will collapse. Why? Because we assume that the architect’s skill and expertise protect us. People do not place this level of confidence in teachers, despite our multiple degrees, certifications, hours of professional development, and involvement in schools. Teachers know what works for their students, yet we’re constantly having people who have never set foot in the classroom question us.

3. Dentists aren’t blamed when their patients don’t brush and floss, but it’s the teacher’s fault when students don’t complete work.

When we don’t practice good oral hygiene and end up with cavity-filled teeth and funky breath, we know we can’t blame the dentist. No one expects dentists to offer free or additional services to those who aren’t caring for their teeth in the first place. Yet, admin and parents expect teachers to pass students who don’t do their work. Things that make ya go hmmmm…

4. Pilots aren’t forced to fly into a hurricane, but teachers are expected to continue “business as usual” despite countless hurdles.

From inclement weather to unruly passengers, even the best pilots aren’t immune to how external influences affect their ability to fly safely. Understanding the severity of these outside factors, airlines have long since implemented certain safeguards, like restricting the weight of carry-ons, to ensure the efficiency and safety of air travel. Too many teachers wonder what it’s like to have that kind of practical support when trying to teach in the face of oppositional parents, students with serious learning needs, and a dwindling pile of classroom supplies.

5. A chef isn’t expected to feed diners who aren’t at the restaurant, but teachers are expected to pass students who don’t come to school.

If I make a dinner reservation then don’t go to the restaurant, the chef is not responsible for my order. I didn’t show up for my reservation, so I don’t get to eat my meal as planned. However, this seemingly simple cause-and-effect relationship doesn’t hold true in schools. If a student doesn’t go to class, admin often don’t hold them accountable for their absence. In fact, it’s the teacher’s job to hunt them down and offer remediation. Helping a learner catch up after missing one lesson is reasonable; cramming an entire school year into the last few weeks of May because a repeatedly truant student finally decides to show up is the opposite of reasonable! *breathes into a paper bag*

6. Companies only cater to their target market while teachers have to engage all students.

Starbucks knows their consumers are coffee drinkers, so the company crafts products geared toward coffee drinkers. Teachers, on the other hand, don’t have the luxury of solely marketing to a target audience. We peddle math skills to people who don’t want them, and then evaluators judge us by how much our “disinterested buyers” know about math. I doubt Starbucks marketing directors receive negative professional evaluations for not convincing coffee-haters to drink a Starbucks blend. But principals don’t tell students who don’t want to learn to try harder. Instead, they unfairly label teachers as not good/experienced/fun/smart enough.

7. The public views skilled laborers as irreplaceable but believe any warm body can lead a classroom.

Seems reasonable to rely on a person with extensive experience and knowhow to get an important job done. We seek out plumbers, electricians, and other professionals for their expertise and skill. Yet here we are, in a national teacher shortage, accepting any adult with a pulse to educate our children. It’s as if the public truly believes teachers are that dispensable…

Teachers won’t deny that kids tend to make bad decisions and do dumb things—it’s part of growing up! But schools should be the safe place where kids practice being accountable for their behavior, instead of learning how to use others as scapegoats. We aren’t doing students any favors by sheltering them from the very consequences they’ll encounter once in the real world.

Reference: https://boredteachers.com/post/not-like-other-professionals